Sternberg's Triangular Theory of Love
Definition
Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love proposes that love isn't just one feeling, but a combination of three separate components: Intimacy, Passion, and Commitment.
- Intimacy encompasses feelings of closeness, connectedness, and bondedness. It’s about sharing, support, and understanding. Think of it as the ‘warm fuzzy’ feeling you get from being close to someone.
- Passion refers to the drives that lead to physical attraction, romance, and sexual consummation. It is related to excitement, arousal, and immediate attraction.
- Commitment is the decision to remain in a relationship and the willingness to work to maintain it.
Sternberg argues that different combinations of these three components create different types of love. For example, high passion and intimacy but low commitment might describe infatuation. High commitment and intimacy but low passion might describe companionate love (like a long-term friendship). And the complete love, the combination of all three, is called consummate love.
Example
Katie and Mitch have been dating for a year. Initially, their relationship was driven by intense passion – strong physical attraction and exciting dates. Over time, they’ve developed deep intimacy – they share their hopes, fears, and dreams and feel very connected. They've also begun discussing their future together, which demonstrates commitment.
Because Katie and Mitch have all three components in their relationship, their love would be considered consummate love according to Sternberg's theory. However, if the passion started to fade after several years, they might still have a strong, fulfilling relationship based on intimacy and commitment, but it would no longer be consummate. Instead, it would be categorized as companionate love.
Why it Matters
Sternberg’s theory is important because it helps us understand the complexity of love. It moves beyond the simplistic idea that love is just “a feeling” and acknowledges that different kinds of relationships can be fulfilling in different ways. By identifying the different components, it explains why some relationships feel different from others, and why those feelings can change over time. It's also useful for understanding relationship dynamics; if a couple is struggling, the theory can help pinpoint which component is lacking and where to focus effort to improve the relationship. Ultimately, it provides a framework for thinking critically about our own relationships and understanding the forces that keep them going (or contribute to their ending).